What to Do With a Child Who Bullies Family Member

What practise you exercise if you find out that your child is a smashing?

Perhaps you received a phone telephone call from your child'due south school. Or maybe from another parent. Either way, if you think your child is bullying others, it'due south very important to start working with him or her now. This behavior is already hurting their life—and will continue to do so if information technology's left to fester.

Here's what you need to know about why your child bullies other kids and what you can practice stop information technology.

Why Do Kids Bully

Why do some kids turn to bullying? The reply is elementary: it solves their social problems. After all, information technology'due south easier to bully somebody than to work things out, manage your emotions, and learn to solve problems. Bullying is the easy fashion out and, sadly, some kids take it.

Look at men who beat or intimidate their wives and scream at their kids. They've never learned to be effective spouses or parents. Instead, they're just bullies. And the other people in those families live in fear—fear that they're going to be yelled at, called names, or hitting.

With bullies, cypher has to exist worked out, considering the bully always gets his fashion. The chain of command has been established by force, and the whole bang-up'southward mindset becomes, "If you do what I say, so at that place will be peace effectually hither." And that's not all. When the great uses force, information technology's the victim'southward error for not doing what he said. And so the nifty'south attitude is, "Give me my way or face up my aggression."

I'1000 not but talking about the adults in the family, either. Endless children throw tantrums for the same reason: they're saying, "Requite me my way or face my behavior." And if yous as a parent don't start dealing with those tantrums early on, your child may develop larger behavior problems as they abound older.

Bullying Can Be Physical or Emotional

Ask yourself this question: how many emotional bullies do you know? They ordinarily command others through verbal corruption and insults and by making people experience modest. They're very negative, critical people. The threat is always in the groundwork that they're going to break something or call somebody names or hit someone if they are disagreed with. Realize that the beliefs doesn't start when someone is in their teens—it unremarkably begins when a child is five or 6.

Kids Bully Because They Lack Appropriate Social Skills

Bullying itself tin come from a variety of sources. 1 source, equally I mentioned, is bullying at habitation. Mayhap in that location are older siblings, extended family unit members, or parents who utilise aggression or intimidation to get their way. I too think role of the evolution of bullying can stalk from some type of undiagnosed or diagnosed learning disability which inhibits the child's ability to learn both social and problem-solving skills.

But make no error, kids use bullying primarily to supplant the social skills they're supposed to develop in grade school, heart school, and loftier school. As children go through their developmental stages, they should be finding ways of working problems out and getting forth with other people. This includes learning how to read social situations, make friends, and understand their social environment.

Bullies utilize aggression, and some employ violence and exact abuse, to supplant those skills. Then in effect, they don't accept to learn problem-solving, considering they but threaten the other kids. They don't accept to learn how to work things out considering they just push button their classmates or telephone call them names. They don't have to learn how to get along with other people—they but control them.

The style they're solving bug is through fauna forcefulness and intimidation. And then by the fourth dimension that child reaches 10, bullying is pretty ingrained. It has become their natural response to any situation where they feel socially awkward, insecure, frightened, bored, or embarrassed.

Typical Pre-Teen Bullies

Here is what an aggressive nifty oft looks like. He doesn't know how to become along with other kids, so he's usually not trying to play with them. When you look out on the playground at recess, he's probably lone. He'south not playing soccer or kickball with the other children. He'due south roaming around the perimeter of all the interactions that take place at schoolhouse.

Whenever he'due south confronted with a problem or feels insecure, he takes that out on somebody else. He does this by putting somebody else down verbally or physically. A child who bullies might also throw or break things to feel better and more powerful nearly himself. When the great feels powerless and agape, he'southward much more likely to be aggressive, because that makes him feel powerful and in control. That's a very seductive kind of thing for kids, and it'due south very hard for them to let get of that power.

Adolescents and Gang Mentality

When we talk about boyish bullying, nosotros're entering into another phenomenon altogether when compared with pre-teen bullies. The reality is that many adolescents in high school today are very calumniating to each other. In that location are peer groups that will set on other kids verbally and emotionally, like to a gang mentality.

When these kids starting time calling other students rude names and questioning their sexuality, information technology is all done to dominate and smashing them. If a teen or pre-teen doesn't desire to exist a victim, they take to join a grouping. The kids who don't socialize very well—the shy or passive types—often become the targets. And the threat of violence is ever behind information technology.

The gang mentality is mutual and very destructive. In my opinion, parents and school administrators who ignore the style kids corruption each other in high schoolhouse are kidding themselves. This beliefs is hurtful and harmful, and at that place needs to be a lot more accountability.

Girls

Nosotros often recollect of the kid bully as being male person, only the percentage of girls who intimidate their classmates and siblings is increasing dramatically. And as with boys, the abuse tin be both physical or emotional.

Related content: Girl Fighting and Your Child

Bullying and Schools

Bullying is traumatizing for kids who are the targets. I believe children should exist taught nearly bullying throughout class school and into high school. They demand to learn what it means, how to resolve it, and how to deal with a bully.

If this is not taught, kids who are the targets will call up there's something incorrect with them. Kids should as well be learning how to handle their impulses and control themselves when they want to striking, hurt, or intimidate others. Unless in that location's a concerted effort to deal with bullying and bullies in school, zilch will change. It's a challenge, but I firmly believe information technology tin exist washed.

Thankfully, many schools have adopted bullying programs. Simply, I believe that bullying will never completely go away—nosotros will always have bullies. The of import thing is that we do non ignore it and that we hold bullies answerable for their behavior.

Teach Your Children About Bullying from an Early Age

I recall from a very early age, you have to teach your child what bullying is. You tin can tell them the following (or fifty-fifty post these words in your firm somewhere).

Y'all are bullying when yous:

• Force other people to do things they don't desire to practice;
• Striking other people;
• Have or pause other people's belongings;
• Call other people names.

Then y'all accept to set a standard that says:

"We don't do that in our business firm."

Commencement that civilisation of accountability early. Teach them what the word ways, and say straight to them:

"Yous're answerable for that kind of beliefs in our business firm."

I recollect it'south also of import that you lot talk about how to treat others. Ask your kid:

"How should you treat others?"

And the respond is:

"You care for others with respect. If they don't respect y'all dorsum, walk away. Treating someone with respect means non calling them names, threatening them, or hitting them."

You can also say to your kid:

"Mind to others. Accept others. If they don't want to play with your toys or they don't want to share their things, y'all have to larn how to take that."

This is non easy for kids, but they will acquire. Children need to have the concept of bullying explained to them numerous times. That way, when any kind of bullying is going on, they tin identify it and cease the behavior, both in themselves and others.

Create a Culture of Accountability in Your Home

I think the most important affair for every family unit is to have a Culture of Accountability in your domicile. This means your child is accountable to you—answerable in how he talks to y'all, how he talks to his siblings, and how he treats his family members.

When he's bullying his siblings, don't get sucked into his excuses. Simply because he had a bad day at school does not requite him the right to mistreat anyone in your family, for example.

Don't forget, bullies often accept cognitive distortions, which means that they may see the globe in a certain way that justifies their bullying. So you'll frequently hear them blaming others and making excuses for their behavior. Most of the time, they believe that stuff. They believe what they remember, and that's what you've got to challenge. You tin say to them:

"It sounds like y'all're blaming Jesse for the fact that y'all punched him. Information technology is not Jesse's fault that you hit him."

Schools should also have a culture of accountability, and I think that many endeavor. That'south what detentions, suspensions, and expulsions are all about. If your child breaks the rules, he should be held answerable. Back up the school and don't try to shield your kid from the consequences of his behaviors.

The Skills Your Child Needs to Learn to Stop Bullying

A kid who bullies needs to learn how to solve social issues and how to deal with their emotions without interim out. Accept conversations with your kid almost problem-solving. Ask your kid:

"What happens when other kids don't want to play your games? When other kids have things you want and they won't requite them to yous? How practise yous handle that? How do y'all handle it when you call up you lot're right and they're wrong and there'southward nothing you can do virtually it?"

Your kid has to acquire how to resolve conflicts and manage his emotions. He needs to learn the skills of compromise, how to cede, how to share and how to deal with injustice. He should also acquire how to bank check things out, and to inquire himself, "Is what I'g seeing really happening? Does Jonathan truly hate me, or is he but in a bad mood today?"

Kids have got to larn how to manage their impulses. If their impulse is to hitting or to hurt or call someone names, they have to larn to deal with that appropriately. Many children and adolescents accept the impulse to hurt others. They have impulses to practice all kinds of things. But they need to acquire to handle them, and kids who bully are no exception.

What to Practice If Your Child is Bullying Others in School

Kids who are bullying others should be held accountable at home. They should exist given consequences at home for their bullying behavior at school. And the consequences should look something like this: your child should be deprived of doing something he or she likes. So, no Goggle box or computer games or jail cell phone, for instance. And they also should accept to do a task. For instance, they should write an essay or alphabetic character on what they're going to exercise side by side time they're in the same situation or feel the same mode—instead of bullying.

They must get-go thinking of other ways they tin can solve this problem. Understand that they may not accept any ideas, and that'due south where you have to interact with them and coach them equally a parent.

In the Total Transformation Program®, there's an interview procedure I outline where parents learn to talk with their children to solve issues instead of exploring emotions and listening to excuses.

If your kid is hurting or bullying others, he needs to have conversations that solve issues. He does not need or benefit from conversations that explore emotions. Bullies tend to run across themselves as victims, so the conversation has to focus on them taking responsibility for their behavior.

I think your child's teachers should handle the process of having your kid make apology for his beliefs at school. Just remember that bullies don't stop bullying when they get home—they ofttimes target younger or weaker siblings.

Don't forget, your child is bullying considering solving problems by talking things out is difficult for him. So, he takes the easy manner out and uses bullying. We all get through the growing pains of learning how to negotiate in social situations—in fact, we may piece of work on this skill our whole lives. There should exist no exceptions for anyone in your family when information technology comes to these skills. For a child who is using bullying every bit a shortcut instead of developing these skills, you take to work even harder every bit a parent to coach them on what to do.

When Bullies Grow Up

Make no fault, if a kid bullies, that trend can stay with them their whole lives. Fortunately, some bullies do mature after they exit school. Yous'll encounter them get into their early twenties and seem to be okay. They go married, they go to higher, they showtime a career, and they stop their bullying behavior.

Merely sadly, you lot will also see young child bullies who become teenage bullies so adult bullies. How do this behavior and lack of social skills bear on them? These are the people who corruption their wives and kids emotionally and sometimes physically. These are the people who telephone call their spouses and kids names if they don't practice things the way they want them to. Bullies may also become criminals.

Await at it this fashion: a bully is somebody willing to use aggression, verbal abuse, property devastation, or even violence to go his fashion. An anti-social personality disorder (which is how criminals are classified) refers to somebody willing to use aggression and violence to go his mode. The criminal population is total of bullies who, among other things, never learned how to resolve conflicts and behave appropriately in social situations.

Therefore, don't wait your child to outgrow bullying one time he reaches adulthood. Accost information technology now and you will give your child a much brighter time to come.

Related Content

My Kid is Being Bullied—What Should I Practice?
Is Your Child Being Bullied? 9 Steps Y'all Can Take every bit a Parent
Child and Teen Bullying: How to Help When Your Kid is Bullied
StopBullying.Gov

boxconew1967.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-bullying/

Share this post